Defenestrationism.net

 

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by Rob Daughenbaugh

 

(ROB, with a “Dog Trainer” vest on, and clicker in hand, is seated in a chair with his arms crossed. Enter SANTOS.)

SANTOS:

Man, where’s your dog?

ROB:

(Indicating with a head nod) She’s sitting right there. . . .

SANTOS:

There you go again with all that craziness. You’re nuts, you know. There ain’t no dog there!

ROB:

Really?! Well, you just watch this! (He looks at an imaginary dog beside him) Sit! . . . . (“Click”) Good girl!

SANTOS:

That proves it. You’re certifiable. You forgot to take your skittles, didn’t you?

ROB:

Down! . . . . (“Click”) Good girl!

(Beat. SANTOS just stares at ROB and shakes his head.)

ROB:

You wanna pet my dog?

SANTOS:

Man, there’s no dog there. You need to see a psych and get an upgrade on your meds because obviously they aren’t working.

ROB:

There’s nothing wrong with me. Could it be that thou dost protest too much?

SANTOS:

You’re gonna throw the Bard at me. You’re not in some acting class. I think your reality has shifted. Earth to Rob, earth to Rob: Come home ET.

ROB:

Just because you can’t act doesn’t mean I’m nuts. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times, acting isn’t hard. You simply have to react to what’s going on around you. It’s like improv: stay in motion. Give it a try. Just act like there’s a dog there and pet her.

SANTOS:

You’re not acting. You’re delusional is what you are.

ROB:

Look, for once take a leap a faith. Just give it a try. You might be the next John Travolta or Justin Bieber or Bruno Mars. You gotta start somewhere. Just come over here and pretend you’re petting my dog.

(SANTOS comes over, squats and acts like he’s petting the dog.)

ROB:

(Clicks the clicker) GOOD BOY!

(SANTOS jumps up and acts embarrassed.)

 

 

FINE.

 

 

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This entry was posted on Monday, June 2nd, 2014 at 1:23 am and is filed under !What's New!, Voices of the Disenfranchised. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.