by Allison Steinman
Girl!
I’ve been waiting forever to get the greenlight on this pen pal thing! I’ve always wanted to have a pen pal because I think I’m a good writer. I’ll answer fast and I always have lots to say! It’s hard doing some of the stuff I want to try sometimes, because we have to share so much here. Not that I’m complaining, because I understand why we’re so important.
I’m Allie Grant, and you don’t know it but I pray for you every night! It’s true, right after I eat a snack, (usually Cheezits) and right before I fall asleep, I say
“God take care of Alissa, and help us to do our best for her!” I think he always hears me, even from inside the attic.
We’ve been with you longer than even Alixx can remember, now, and she’s on top of absolutely everything. We all live in a place called “The Attic.” That’s where we go when we aren’t part of the system. Ariss says that you haven’t been part of us in a really long time because you’re very scared. It’s okay to be scared, you know. If you’re lost, the person before, if “Alissa White” is lost somewhere I just know that this notebook will find you! They let me decide what picture is on the front, I hope you like Tinkerbell as much as I do. She should be named an official Disney Princess even though she’s a fairy, don’t you think?
Ariss doesn’t want me to make my letter too long. She always tells me I’m too young to get involved with the personal inside things, but I’m fourteen now. All the teachers at my school, Brennam Academy, think I’m mature for my age. Even if I happen to -have too many freckles and only look like a scrawny eleven-year-old.
Stay Hopeful and please write back soon!
Allie xox
Alissa,
You are probably feeling very confused and alone.You may also find you have no memory of buying this hardcover Tinkerbell notebook. You did not buy it, we did.
I have decided that the best way to start, if there is one, is to finally fully explain it all.
It was my idea that we write to you initially; but the first set of writing is Allie’s, she was impossibly excited, and it seems she could not be stopped in her quest to speak first. You will find our printing is very different from one another.
My name is Alixx Doford. You do not know me, so I write this letter to introduce myself. At 24, I am the eldest. Short of making this sound like a dating profile, I’m a tall redhead with short hair. I am a fitness instructor so when I’m inside the attic;, you can find me in the gym teaching a class or working the bag.
Okay, I slipped a bit into profile territory there. You get the idea; that’s a pretty good description of me and my personal life. This might not seem relevant to you at all, but it is, so just hear me out.
When you were born, you were born consciously as one identity. The one your parents named “Alissa Marion White.” Along the way, I came into the picture. Like a big sister. Kind of a big sister you created, to help you process and organize the unpleasant events of your past. You have Dissociative Identity Disorder. It is also known as D.I.D. or multiple personalities. It happens in early childhood, a separation of consciousness. It is a brilliant strategy for coping with trauma. It works every time.
Ariss is a protector and the manager of many memories the rest of us don’t have. Allie is fourteen. She’s been inside since she was born, and is the only one of us who ages besides you, Alissa. She has no recollection of our past or the people who hurt us. This gives her a carefree attitude and an existence without scars.
Currently I am the dominant personality inside your body; inside you… we have been working as a system for several years now, because what you went through as a child was too much for just one little soul. When your parents couldn’t be there to protect you, we did. That’s why we’re writing this; there are others here too. Allie, Ariss and myself perform a specific function within the framework of your life. There’s been discussion lately about you as our original host, about whether we are doing what is best for you by keeping you in the dark about everything. I thought we should reach out.
Please do not throw this away, I think we all know this has been a long time coming. We are all friends to be trusted here.
Here for you,
Alixx
Ms. Alissa M. White,
We are writing to inform you that there are several other people who take up residence in your body regularly.
No but seriously, bro, this letter is a terrible idea with concepts that are sketchy at best. Like who do you really know that would write cryptic diary letters about such a serious subject? Like, “Hi I’m you like three times over, hope you find this and that doesn’t scar you even more for the rest of your life.”
That’s why I’m not even going there. Just going to tell you the facts as it is, and if we don’t hear back from you, believe me, I get it.
I exist to remember and manage those things that happened to the body, so the one called Alissa, can live her best life. Without remembering and empowering, the pieces of absolute dumpster slime that tried to steal it.
Most of the time that means that Alixx is in the body. Allie likes to come out for junk food in the afternoons. (Sorry.) The nightlife however is always mine for leisure, baby! (Sorry again…)
When we talk about our lives and hobbies, we’re referring to the inside world. somewhere in here we have lives as real as can be. I’m a 21-year-old artist, a hipster if you will. My mediums are paint, plaster, clay and reality. Allie attends a school for gifted children, and Alixx teaches her fitness classes. She’s even started a real-world Youtube channel about us. (Which if you ask me is at least part of the reason she wanted us to write.)
I agreed to send my letter because that’s all good, a stable healthy life for the body, it’s really your body Alissa, know what I mean?
Maybe hearing from us can explain some things you been wondering about. Like why you keep finding food in the kitchen you can’t remember buying, or why you sometimes see that guy at the park who always waves, even though you never seen him before. (Or why you own a Peter Pan notebook?) We have the answers, because we are the answers, and I really, we really hope that you can see that.
-Ariss Macqueen
March 23 9:33 P.M
Alissa White
42/f/confused.
Please answer back again.
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