A Girl’s Pocket Guide to Protecting Her Heart

May 22nd, 2022

by Chantelle Tibbs


I don’t believe in “love at first sight,” but I do believe in “high at first sight.” I don’t believe that women get attached faster, I think we get high faster. And I think there is a way to date in the world that does not run our hearts through the ringer. How do we as women make the way we are wired work for us, and not against us, in an ever-changing dating climate more geared toward men coming out ahead? Out a head. Get it?

But enough of my childish quotes and lofty claims, let’s talk about the Bible. In 2020 my father died suddenly. We aren’t sure how exactly, but it was January 23rd of 2020 in Los Angeles, California. He had a mysterious virus and died of underlying conditions. Less than two months later, we were under a “two week” quarantine for COVID 19. I’ll let you connect the dots or not. I was feeling lost and decided to hang out with a neighbor who posed as a possible new friend offering their condolences. I made the mistake of driving this neighbor to and from where we planned to go. It turns out he was a foaming at the mouth Christian (not the real kind, the victim of politicized religion kind). He was so rabid, he would have punched Jesus in the face for disagreeing with him. The car ride lasted for what seemed hours, as his head turned 360 degrees on his shoulders, and he spouted off every scripture he had ever memorized. 

Ironically, one line of a scripture stuck with me though. So much so that I asked him to repeat it three times. I don’t remember the whole scripture, but I remember the part I asked him to repeat. 

“Guard your heart with vigilance.” 

I live by this code. I’m not saying close your heart. I’m not saying to hurt and use others and pretend it’s self-preservation. I am not into being savage or trying to hurt anyone, for that matter. But I do believe in treating our hearts like treasures and guarding them with vigilance. And I do believe that as resilient as we are as humans, the human heart can only take enough. 

But what if you – a fun loving woman in this world – just want to have some fun and hook up a little? Great. I recommend using protection, making sure you really want to do it and that you’re not being persuaded. And if you are resistant to sex in general, I recommend making sure again, you are not being persuaded. But let’s walk into this battlefield armed with facts. Recent studies done on One Night Stands (dailymail.co.uk) show that only 40% of women will have an orgasm during a one night stand whereas a man will reach an orgasm 80% of the time. And, yes, as a queer woman I can say that this pocket guide still applies. Our chances of having an orgasm are higher, though, if that helps soften the blow – because the percentages change for lesbians. It jumps to over a 60% chance of reaching an orgasm. But if you’re still looking for some 40% fun, or for that percentage to rise ever so slightly after a few encounters, I can’t say I blame you. 

This “high at first site” has much to do with oxytocin – a hormone from the pituitary gland, often called “the love hormone.” But remember, oxytocin is not your friend. Most women mistake an oxytocin rush for what they believe to be true love feelings. A lot of research has been done on this. One of my favorite takes on what has come up, is that in general women don’t need men in the way men need women so nature has to trick us into attaching ourselves to a man long enough in order for a child to be conceived. Whatever the reason, the oxytocin rush of meeting someone new for a woman, is a high like no other. And that high may have us crying for days, keying cars, confessing our love from mountain tops. 

So what goes about bringing on that high and what can be done about it? The answer is simple. Smell. Human beings are capable of sniffing-out certain parts of our potential partners’ DNA that make up their immune system, called major histocompatibility genes, to determine whom we’re compatible with.

We are often drawn to people whose MHC compositions are different from our own so that the immune system of our offspring covers as many diseases as possible. The reaction to this scent causes an oxytocin rush that has you believing you are attached to the person you are smelling. But it’s not them. It’s their scent. 

So here’s what I wish someone told me when I was eighteen. To guard your heart with vigilance, I recommend you try to avoid situations where you smell new lovers often, like cuddling too much or sleeping over. Take a shower immediately after any sexual encounter. You can also go to the gym after seeing a person you are intimate with so your body isn’t sure where the oxytocin came from, the workout or the hookup. 

Another option is to take herbs such as wood betony to help with any withdrawals you may feel when you separate from a lover. Wood betony is an herb used to treat withdrawals in folks recovering from drug addiction. 

The truth is, it takes a lot more than sniffing out what will keep our offspring’s immune systems popping. Armed with the right kind of tools we can set our dating life up so we get to take time to get to know someone. We can find out if they are kind or if we really even want to see them again. We can discover what their love language is. We can figure out if we ever even want offspring. Or we can choose to pick our partner with the very heart we intend to protect.





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Concept Albums Explained

May 15th, 2022

The First Concept Albums:
Gustav Holst, Woody Guthrie, Frank Sinatra, Miles Davis


What are the first concept albums? And what is a concept album, anyway?… read more


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Concept Albums Explained

May 9th, 2022

Highway 61, Revisited

by Paul-Newell Reaves

In 1965 when Bob Dylan creates “Highway 61, Revisited” the first rock’n’roll concept album is born, and the well traveled subject of the road trip album is established.

US Route 61 historically traversed from Minnesota to New Orleans, providing a path for much of middle America towards jazz, booze, excitement and escape. The road follows the Mississippi River, so Dylan’s work is immediately placed in the company of Mark Twain’s “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” and Jack Kerouac’s “On the Road”… read more



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My Children’s Father

May 6th, 2022

an excerpt from “Because of My Guardian Angels”
by Francesca Alicea

The subject of my children’s father is one I rarely discuss.  Perhaps I’m just ashamed of the many years I tried to make it work. 

At times I wonder was I too young or did we just grow apart as I matured?  After all he was my first and I had no one to compare him to.  I had no idea of what a healthy relationship or what a good father or husband should be like.

I disregarded many red flags early on. Probably because I did not know any better. And when my children came I was even more determined to make it work. Looking back I realize that my determination to break the trend of growing up without a father totally blinded me.

Dagger after dagger, red flag after red flag went unnoticed or downplayed.  My priority was the children.  The thought of them growing up without their father would send chills up my spine.  But, since we all have our limits, that day came for me as well.

It took much to awaken me from a deep state of denial, but when I awakened, all I had buried or kept deep inside finally burst. There was no going back.

I can’t judge him. I know that we all have our burdens to deal with. Whatever was and is going on within him is not for me to criticize, but I can’t condone his actions either. I can’t change, judge, or help him. The battle within himself is his alone.

I can admit that, despite our differences and our altered missions in life, that he’s an excellent chess player, pianist, portrait artist, and that foreign languages are very easy for him to learn.

So as part of my healing I choose to focus on the positive things. I will always remember the beautiful oil on canvas portrait he painted of me and “Francesca’s Song” a piano instrumental he wrote for me.  Hey, I can even play a mean game of chess.  But, the best gifts of all are my two amazing children and now my grand.  These beautiful gifts were the result of my determination to make it work.

I differentiate better now and recognize exactly how I want to be treated.  So my next if I so choose I’m positive will not be random selection.

I hope to always remember that my children and grand all have or will have their mission and burdens to deal with in life. So I would like them to know that I will not judge them, but will always be a good listener.

And they should also be aware that the advice I give them comes from a loving mother’s heart.  And, that I’m human and made and will make mistakes.  I just hope they can forgive me whenever I do.





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Announcing the Winners of the 2022 Lengthy Poem Contest

May 2nd, 2022


What a contest, what a contest–
what a contest.

From the cerebral to the emotional, from the natural to chaotic, from the mystical to the mathematical– this year’s poems defied our expectations.

Never one to waste time,
the Grand Prize Winner is

How to Find a Black Hole in Your Kitchen
by Dana Kroos

Fan Favorite:

My Love Letter to Divine Femininity
by Nicole Del Rio

Read all three finalists for the 2022 Lengthy Poem Contest, here.
Want more Lengthy Poems?
Submit a Lengthy Poem to next years contest.

Submission for our
2022 !Short Story Contest!
is now open until June 7th.
The contest will begin publishing weekly on June 19th.
Winners will be announced Labor Day (US), which is September 5th.

Join us at Defenestrationism.net
all of May and into June for our
Summer schedule,
featuring:

Turn Off Shuffle: Concept Albums Explained
a column by Paul-Newell Reaves

An excerpt from “Because of My Guardian Angels”
by Francesca Alicea

A Little Bit About Vastu
a five part series by Chantelle Tibbs

Back to the Lengthy Poem Contest
What’s New at Defenestrationism.net
!Short Story Contest! guidelines
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Concept Albums Explained:

May 1st, 2022

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

by Paul-Newell Reaves

There are no other contenders: “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” is the greatest concept album in the history of recorded music.  Her lyrics are powerful and often profound.  Her rhymes are multisyllabic, and her rhyme schemes complex.  And not a single track deviates from its simple, yet sophisticated concept: Lauryn Hill missed school the day they taught us all about Love.

We’ve heard a lot of songs about Love, before. But Hill doesn’t give us just another lesson on Love, or another sob-story, or another fairy-tale. She tells us what she wasn’t taught about Love, and what she should have been. 

But what makes “Miseducation” so very great is the full realization of its concept, beyond the wildest dreams of its potential… read more


Winners now announced for the 2022 Lengthy Poem Contest
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CORNELIUS X’S BOOK OF BAD DREAMS: 13

March 27th, 2022

by Tom Ball

AWAKE AND FREE AGAIN

Finally after 3 months of bad dreams, I was free again.  And had happy, nice dreams.

Then I tried another job as brain chef.  Tried to guess what food machine foods people would like.  I would be given their portfolio and then ordered dishes. I had a lot of return customers.  But after a few months I tired of this job and decided to be unemployed for a while. And eventually I sold my nightmares for a lot of money (dreams were always recorded).  People were bored of nice dreams all the time… It was all new fashion.

And a quirk of this settlement I was in was you must never say the same thing twice.  If you had nothing new to say then you would remain silent.  It was a silent, “peaceful world.” After what I had been through I was only too happy to remain silent.





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CORNELIUS X’S BOOK OF BAD DREAMS: 12

March 25th, 2022

by Tom Ball

THE WAKING NEWS

Recently they had discontinued the news… And so no one knew what was going on. People imagined all sorts of realities, but mostly they tried hard to be imaginative. It was hard to know reality… Many people told me they were lost and trapped.





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CORNELIUS X’S BOOK OF BAD DREAMS: 11

March 23rd, 2022

by Tom Ball

COMPUTER DOCTOR DREAM

Then I was a hacker masquerading as a “computer doctor.”  I reprogrammed a lot of computers and got them to worship me as God in millions of manifestations

And there were wars of 5 or more opposing sides.  Mostly machines fighting machines.  Triple agents and so on.  And there were great dictators.

Generally speaking the further you were from Earth, the more advanced the technology was.

I was a cyborg who fought infamy in the dream.  But I was captured and duly executed by hanging, so it took a while to die.

Psycho-analysis: Playing God was totally insane.  You are nuts. It is hard to psycho-analyze a madman such as you.






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CORNELIUS X’S BOOK OF BAD DREAMS: 10

March 20th, 2022

by Tom Ball

BAD DREAM OF LOST LOVE

I dreamt I was searching the universe for my lost love.  Problem was, like many other people she kept changing her identity.  A few times I think I met her without realizing it until later; she moved in elite circles.  And I never found her…Until one day I was walking through the sewage system on Planet Pyrod and I met her. I knew it was her for some reason and she said fancy meeting you here. At least I thought it was her.  Perhaps she had many clones… And many faces…

But she had changed, now she was an evil temptress that had sex with men and released millions of micro bots to the men and undermined society after society.

Finally she was arraigned on charges, but she skipped bail.

I felt sorry for the human race to have such destructive people in it.

Meanwhile I was very sick after loving her.  The micro bots ravaged my system. But I had “good micro bots” treatment. So the micro bots warred inside my body.  Finally I was dead.

Again I woke up screaming.

Psycho-analysis: People like you allowed micro bots in the first place.  But you/they must have known it was very dangerous. But trying to find ex-loves often has curious results, but it is noble, however futile it would be.






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