by Flavian Mark Lupinetti
They always stick the cheerleaders on the band bus, right? I hated that bus. During that final football season I came to despise wasting my Friday nights, two hours outdoors while underdressed in November’s drizzle and chill, pretending to care who won the game. But more than anything, I hated that bus. I wished harm to the vehicle itself for its diesel fumes, its seats with skimpy upholstery and sheet metal seat backs adorned with pen knife-etched graffiti that did justice to the originality of previous students–”Seniors ’95,” “Seniors ’14,” “Seniors ’20”–and its first gear ascents, lumbering up every summit as if climbing the back roads of Tibet instead of West By God Virginia. By God, I hated that bus.
Adding to the aggravation, the Boot High Buckskins had just defeated Charleston for like the first time in fifty years, which set those band kids to crowing all the way home as if they won the game themselves. It never hit those tuba players and clarinetists how they looked when they took the football team’s wins and losses so personally. You can guess how highly Boot High’s football team regarded the band. The gloating made it impossible to read, so I curled up and pretended to nod off. Cassie Merrola kept bumping my shoulder until I dropped the act. “Come sleep over tomorrow night,” she said.
“Can’t. I have algebra, an English paper, a new–” I started to tell her about the new Flannery O’Connor collection Miss Shernisky gave me, but Cassie wouldn’t understand. I’d have to explain that there couldn’t really be a new collection of Flannery O’Connor stories, but they were new to me. While I hesitated, Cassie broke out her cheerleader-in-chief stare, making me submit, as I always did. “What time?” I said.
“Six. Dinner.” Cassie flashed her smile as if flipping a switch, but I knew she invited me only to suppress her parents’ dinner table warfare. Somehow my presence forced Mr. and Mrs. Merrola into their silent combat mode. “You’re so lucky, Janey,” Cassie said. “You never have to check with your mom.” Since middle school, Cassie and I debated whether having a single mother made me lucky. I was worn out from arguing. I was worn out, period. For at least a month I even cultivated the fantasy of quitting the squad before basketball season, but no Boot High cheerleader ever quit, not voluntarily, not unless she got arrested or pregnant. I took solace that Boot had just one more football game. Unless . . . Beating Charleston might kick Boot right into the playoffs. The season might not end so soon. Great. More cursed bus.
Saturday morning I plowed through my homework so I could dive into Miss Flannery’s Complete Stories with a clear conscience. Miss Shernisky especially recommended “A Good Man is Hard to Find,” and she gave me fair warning. “It’s one of the most challenging stories Miss Flannery ever wrote.”
I warmed up by rereading a pair of Miss Flannery’s stories I know almost by heart. “Everything That Rises Must Converge” tells about Julian who has a single mother like me, but Julian’s a jerk. “Parker’s Back,” about a tattooed man, is both funny and sad, and it’s not about tattoos, it’s about God. Those were child’s play compared to “A Good Man is Hard to Find.” The story creeped me out the first time I read it, and it creeped out even more the second time, when I already knew how it ended with the stupid grandmother leading her family down a country road where–spoiler alert–a psycho killer called The Misfit murders them all. It stirred up a zillion questions I couldn’t ask the author, so I saved them for Miss Shernisky, Miss Flannery’s representative on earth, questions that flew through my head as I walked to Cassie’s.
At dinner, I had one cup of jellied beef consommé. Cassie couldn’t eat more than that without gaining weight, though I can handle whole salads, hold the dressing. I performed according to my usual social standards, politely answering Mrs. Merrola when she asked about my classes and ignored my replies, politely ignoring Mr. Merrola when he peered down my shirt. Cassie and I politely pretended not to act relieved when Mr. Merrola left to check on his construction project long after dark and Mrs. Merrola needed to visit a sick friend.
“Good riddance,” said Cassie after they left. “They can torture somebody else for a change. I swear, Janey, you are so lucky.” She streamed a movie starring a really hot babe and a potato-faced stoner who a really hot babe would never go out with in a million years. Yet somehow true love overcame all, and the movie ended the way they always do. I wished I’d brought a book, but Cassie didn’t tolerate reading, even though she disappeared into the kitchen every five minutes and saw less of the movie than I did.
I realized what she had been up to when Junior and DW showed up at eleven o’clock, fresh from a kegger with the rest of the football team. Cassie acted surprised, but she must have texted them that her parents had bounced. Cassie and Junior wandered off to the bedroom, abandoning me with DW. Cassie believed she had a divine right to direct the social life of everyone in her orbit, and for years she’d badgered me to go out with DW. She kept telling me what a good guy he was. Not content with having her hooks in Junior, the star quarterback who all the girls thought was totally hawt, Cassie probably calculated that setting up DW, Junior’s best friend and teammate, with me, the assistant head cheerleader, would make our status as permanent as her tramp-stamp: Junior and Cassie, forever the King and Queen of Boot High. DW and me, the eternal runners-up.
But DW was perv. I went out with him only once. Not just because he groped me when we parked down at the river, and not just because he got rough until I shouted so loud that the couple in the next car came over to investigate. Not even because when DW took me home, he barely slowed enough to shove me out the door. What steamed me the most was the next day he told everyone I gave it up. He kept stalking me until he met Etty Alban. Only a freshman, Etty must have felt flattered that a senior football player drooled over her.
This night DW acted like the past had never happened, and the hand-to-hand combat soon began. DW plopped himself beside me, faked a yawn, and made that s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g move to infiltrate his arm onto the back of the couch. When I grabbed his pinky, he engaged his opposite paw. When I jammed my elbow into his ribs, he pressed back with all his weight. “Nobody pushes me away,” he said, panting with his beery breath. “You know you want it.”
I felt so relieved when the front door flew open. Mrs. Merrola’s friend must have made a remarkable recovery. Her mother’s return flushed Cassie and Junior into the living room and forced us all to behave while Mrs. Merrola pretended to straighten the kitchen. My heart didn’t stop pounding for at least a half hour. The four of us sat there bored stupid watching “Saturday Night Live,” not even a new show but a “Best Of” compilation.
“Come on, Janey,” Cassie whispered. “Do it.” She wanted me to parrot the sketch they were showing for like the twelve thousandth time because she hoped my imitation of the actress imitating Sarah Palin would annoy her mother and make her leave, which often happened when I mocked Mrs. Merrola’s favorite celebrities.
“No,” I said. If Cassie wanted a fight with her mother, she could start it herself. Besides, Sarah Palin is so prehistoric that I had to explain her to Junior and DW.
Cassie couldn’t abide defiance, though, especially in front of the guys. “Janey’s writing a new skit for Friday’s pep rally,” she said. People thought of Cassie and me as BFFs, but I knew deep down that after graduation we’d defriend each other. I also knew she’d marry Junior, and she’d lecture the planet about the awesomeness of marriage, as if life with a local goober working the casino or the prison translated into happily ever after.
DW snorted. “Yeah, you go. Writer.”
I hardly told a soul that I wanted to write. People in Boot think nobody could pursue both cheerleading and writing, but the summer before at Cheer Camp I learned otherwise. Cheer Camp existed mainly to teach us dances and gymnastics, but the most inspirational moment occurred in a lecture by a women’s studies professor who told us not to surrender to stereotypes. “Take advantage of the poise, confidence, and fitness cheering gives you,” she said. “But don’t rely on those alone.” She said we could become whatever we wanted–politicians, scientists, or corporate executives. Or writers, I concluded.
“Poise, confidence, and fitness,” Cassie mimicked in a squeaky voice. “She means a cute face and big boobs.” Because I took the lecture seriously, Cassie needed to diss it.
Just like she now had to diss me in front of Junior and DW. “A certain brilliant writer in this room says our skits are lame.”
“I didn’t say that. I said we keep doing the same thing over and over.”
Junior said, “She’s gotta point–” He shut up when Cassie shot him a look that scared him way more than any defensive lineman ever did, but he knew what I meant. Our skits consisted of the cheerleaders lassoing a kid dressed as a wildcat when we played the Wheeling Christian Wildcats or setting a fake iron-jawed trap to catch a kid in a bear suit when we played the Hinton Grizzlies. You’d think by our senior year we’d have come up with one original idea, but our performances were practically identical to every one we’d seen since sixth grade.
“She’s not a writer.” DW curled his lip like a bad Elvis impersonator. “Brainzilla just thinks she’s better than the rest of us.”
Without knowing it, DW accused me of the sin of pride, which Miss Flannery regarded as the worst sin of all. Pride didn’t mean only seeing yourself as superior. Pride included uncontrolled zeal and excessive certainty in your beliefs and flaunting your outspokenness about injustice. Miss Flannery believed most of the world’s mischief originated from pride. Besides, who was DW to talk? He looked prideful enough with that curly blonde hair and those hard muscles straining against his too-tight T-shirt. I imagined him twenty years from now after getting fired from his dead-end job, sitting in front of the TV with a head as bald as a sawed-off mountaintop and a beer gut the size of Pittsburgh.
DW’s insult made me decide to show them all. “Okay. I will write a new skit.” Shoot. Had I just committed an act of pride?
I planned to start the next morning, but after I woke up, I read “A Good Man Is Hard to Find” once more, hoping to find inspiration in Miss Flannery’s words. What did she mean when she had The Misfit say, “She would of been a good woman, if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life”? Or when the grandmother said to the man just about to kill her, “You’re one of my babies. You’re one of my own children.” Did Miss Flannery consider The Misfit evil? Or good and evil? Did Miss Flannery mean to teach us about hypocrisy? About repentance?
Monday morning in homeroom, Cassie made her expectations clear. “Finish the skit?” she asked, as if she could order all of creation the way she ordered French fries. I hadn’t written a thing, but once I resolved to compose a skit that would resonate with regular students, not just the jocks and the rest of us in their orbit, the words came quickly.
I showed Miss Shernisky my first draft between classes. She read every word, ignoring the tardy bell. Miss Shernisky hadn’t taught me since sophomore year, but she still reviewed my work and advised me what to read. I didn’t see her gray hair or the glasses dangling from a granny chain around her neck. I saw a trusted reader, a role model. A friend. “I like it, Janey,” she said. “Any concerns about . . . criticism? From the other girls, I mean.”
“You say writers learn from criticism. Besides, the only thing most of them’ll care about is how many lines they have.”
“Good luck.” She returned the script. “Oh. Did you read ‘A Good Man Is Hard to Find’?”
“Yeah. It gave me fits.”
She smiled. “You’re not the first.” Miss Shernisky had encouraged me to apply to the University of Iowa, where Miss Flannery became such a great writer. Okay, Miss Flannery would have become a great writer wherever she studied, but going to Iowa would let me escape West Virginia forever. Still, I needed a scholarship to go anywhere. Miss Shernisky showed me how to improve my odds with Iowa by applying Early Decision and how to request financial aid.
I revised the script in study hall and passed it around at practice. Even our slowest readers got through it quickly because it took only five minutes. It didn’t take five minutes to get my feedback. I should have expected how they would respond, Cassie most of all.
“My God, Janey, this is terrible,” she said. “‘Boot High, Twenty Years Later’? Nobody cares about twenty years later. It’s supposed to be about Friday night. And it’s so negatory. Everyone ends up miserable.”
“You don’t get it,” I said. “It’s about considering the consequences of what you do now so you don’t have regrets twenty years later.”
“What kind of people are these?” Cassie almost spat as she turned the pages. “‘Tom, former quarterback, spends his days reliving past glory. Mitchell, scored winning touchdown against Parkersburg, now disabled by war injuries.’ It’s depressing.”
“But Matilda becomes an inspirational teacher,” I said. “And Glenn’s a lawyer who protects the environment.”
“How about this? ‘Jessica, former cheerleader, a single mom with two children.’ Mom issues, Janey? Deal with them on your own.”
My eyes burned. “That has nothing to do with me. I made it up. I made up all the characters. That’s what writers do. We make stuff up!”
No pep rally skit practice ever witnessed such a confrontation. The situation stayed totally awk until Etty Alban defused it. “I’ll admit, it is different. How about it’s twenty years later, and we remember winning State?” That broke the tension and gave everyone else permission to talk.
“What if it’s, like, our twentieth reunion? And we’re watching Junior play for the Steelers?”
“And Cassie’s his wife and a model.”
“And your novel is ranked number one on Amazon. How about that, Janey?”
“No,” Cassie said. “Write something new. About this Friday night. About the Buckskins against Hundred Lake. How we’ll kill ’em. Skip practice, Janey, and write that.”
“I can practice,” I insisted. “I have plenty of time to write the same dumb skit.”
But after practice I went home and read Miss Flannery’s story again, so engrossed in the Misfit and Grandma and the other characters that I barely registered my mother’s return from work. “Dinner, Janey,” she called. Mom cheered in the old days, and she had started to appreciate how my feelings about cheering differed from hers. I plodded into the kitchen, expecting take-out burgers or tacos, but Mom brought home pizza.
“Real pizza from Magnone’s, not that fake stuff from Pizza Den,” I said. “What’s the occasion? Mom sat back pointed at my plate. There sat two thick letters, the prehistoric method of communication for those of us without home Internet access. The top envelope contained my acceptance to West Virginia University. “Whoopee!” I said. “Proof I have a West Virginia residence, a C average, and a pulse.” I picked up the second envelope. Office of the Registrar. University of Iowa. I tore it open and read the first word out loud–Congratulations. Then I burst into tears.
Mom lost it, too. “I’m so proud of you,” she blubbered. “First one in the whole fam-damily accepted to college.” That wasn’t true. Mom had good grades and test scores. Her acceptance letter from WVU arrived the same the day as her positive pregnancy test–that would be me–ending both her college plans and her cheerleading career.
Accepted, Mom said. Maybe I’d earned admission to both Default U and to the school of my dreams, but without a scholarship, all we could afford was Boot County Community College. When I confided my fallback plan to Miss Shernisky, she said she hoped I could do better. She didn’t mean any disrespect, but so many of us end up at BCCC that the whole town calls it Boot Senior Senior High. Unless I scored boocoo financial aid, my choices boiled down to B trip C or getting a real-estate license and helping Mom at work.
After dinner, I started my homework, but I couldn’t escape the gravitational pull of Miss Flannery’s story. The time passed without my noticing until Mom brought me a cup herbal tea and some cookies. “Didn’t you hear me holler you had a phone call? What’re you reading, girl?”
“‘A Good Man is Hard to Find.’”
“Oh, do tell,” Mom said. “Cassie called to find out if you finished your skit. You writing a skit?” I wanted to say I wrote one that didn’t meet Cassie’s high theatrical standards, but Mom would have wanted to see it, and I’d have to explain why Cassie didn’t like it, and Mom would say I should have Miss Shernisky talk to Cassie, and I’d have to explain . . . so I said nothing.
Mom’s question both reopened the wound and illuminated the solution. I would write the way Miss Flannery might after having her good and true work rejected by someone with no literary taste. I would write grotesque. A script so grotesque that it wouldn’t, couldn’t see the light of a Boot High pep rally would stick a thumb in Cassie’s eye and let me off the hook. I would make this a tribute to The Misfit, Miss Flannery’s most grotesque character ever. The next day, I showed my script to Miss Shernisky, hoping to evoke a conspiratorial laugh. She squinted at the pages as if they hurt her eyes. “If you set out to write a disturbing piece, young lady, you managed. You know you can’t stage this?”
Disturbing, she called it? Not grotesque? “Cassie and them didn’t like my original skit. Maybe they need to see the alternative.”
I slipped the script to Cassie in history class. “It’s not good,” she said, rattling a pencil against her teeth. Then with a wink she patted me on the head. “It’s not just good. It’s awesome! We’ll practice it tonight.” Oh. Em. Gee. After recovering from the shock, I thought, fine, let the whole school see a skit that totally crushes their enthusiasm for football. At practice we did one read through and acted it a half dozen times. Cassie made tiny changes in blocking and cues to suit her temperament. This directing thing went straight to her head.
The rally started after lunch Friday. As always, Principal Fluharty canceled fifth period classes and let sixth start late, which meant students and teachers alike could fake their way through the rest of the afternoon. Coach Belliard took the mike and said beating the Hundred Lake Bandits would not only put us in the playoffs, it would send a message to every Double-A school in West Virginia that Boot was a team to be afraid of. Except Coach Bell said “afeared” instead of “afraid” like he always did, and I really wished he didn’t. Then we did some cheers and our pyramid. Etty Alban balanced way up there on one foot and did a back-flip dismount that Cassie and I spotted, even though Etty never fell. Etty was a kick-ass gymnast. I bet if she’d grown up somewhere else and gotten decent training, she would’ve made the Olympics.
While the band played, we dressed for the skit. Etty and our other two freshmen, Nell and Becky, came out wearing Hundred Lake red and black with “Bandits” spelled out in athletic tape. They pretended they were driving toward Boot when their car broke down. While going for help they talked about how their team would kick our butts Friday night. That was the cue for the rest of us to run out and make a citizens’ arrest on charges of having a lousy team and skanky cheerleaders. Cassie sat in judgment and pronounced them guilty, and she ordered me to carry out the sentence.
In rehearsal I’d pointed my finger, and Cassie suggested I use a starter pistol, but I insisted that the gun didn’t matter as much as how the victims reacted. A squirt gun would work fine. Then I had an even better idea. I borrowed a novelty gun from the Drama Club, one of those things that shoots a flag that reads, “Bang!” Perfect. Even more grotesque.
So that Friday afternoon, in front of all of Boot High, when I shot Nell and Becky point-blank and they slumped to the ground, half the audience gasped. The other half cheered. Then I shot Etty. I’d never seen anyone shot for real, of course, and I don’t think Etty had either. But when the Bang! flag flew out of the barrel, Etty made her head snap back, she made her body lurch forward, and she did a face-plant right onto the hardwood floor. She even made her legs wiggle an agonal reflex. No Hollywood stunt woman could have done better, and the performance stunned everyone into silence. For at least five seconds. Then the crowd erupted, stomping on the bleachers and screaming, “Kill the Bandits!”
The end of the skit usually signified the end of the pep rally, time for the players to lead us out of the gym while striking poses of dignified ferocity. They squint, inflate their biceps, and bull their necks, boys not old enough to shave trying to imitate stone killers. This afternoon, though, they leaped and hollered and strutted, high-fiving and bumping chests to match the exultation of the audience. Dumbstruck, we helped Nell and Becky and Etty to their feet and stared at the crowd. More stunning still, Cassie grabbed my hand, a tear in her eye, and said, “Fantastic skit, Janey!”
Then she jumped back into character and led a “B-H-S” cheer that got the entire gym howling along. The building rawked so hard that Mr. Fluharty recognized the futility of conducting any more classes. “School’s out,” he declared, to thunderous applause.
Frustrated by my failure to inspire a melancholy response, or even a sober one, I sought consolation in the discovery that my words could move an audience. But everything should have ended right there–a little show, a little applause, and my forgettable skit duly forgotten. All that anyone should have remembered was Boot 21, Hundred Lake 13. Boot made the playoffs.
But it didn’t end there. Lily Harris didn’t let it. When she and I took Miss Shernisky’s class, Lily told everyone she wanted to be a writer, and she resented it that Miss Shernisky praised my stories more than hers. Lily and her mother, a lawyer who pitches a bitch every December when the school allows a manger scene, wrote a blistering letter to the Boot Herald-Times condemning the skit’s “violent theme” and “tasteless performance.” The paper also printed Mr. Fluharty’s lackluster rebuttal. “The girls were just having fun. You know. Getting everybody up for the game.”
The few townspeople able to divert their attention from football spazzed over the skit. An organization called “Boot Armed and Decent” asserted that if more law-abiding citizens carried weapons, the body count on certain campuses would have been lower. The group’s leader called to say I had his support, but I disappointed him when I said the skit totally had nothing to do with gun control. Mr. Boot Armadillo’s lack of familiarity with Miss Flannery’s oeuvre came as no surprise.
Meanwhile, my writing attracted other kids’ interest for the first time ever, even if not exactly in the way I’d dreamed. “What are you writing for next week?” they asked. “You gotta make it even better.” I would have time to think it over, because Coach Belliard turned out to be correct. The rest of West Virginia did seem afeared of Boot, enough to make us top seed with a first-round bye.
With that Friday night free, DW spread the word: Party at his house, everyone invited–meaning everyone who mattered: the football team, cheerleaders, and similarly cool kids. No greasers, hippies, goths, skaters, or other outcast types. You might question my judgment in attending a party with such mischief potential, especially after it got around that DW’s parents had booked for Atlantic City. If so, you might also consider how few social outlets Boot has on Friday nights. Surprisingly, the party started out mellow. Someone tapped a keg, but the guys stayed sober. They acted less rowdy than usual and more thoughtful. Perhaps they felt the unfamiliar burden of high expectations.
If people saw DW walk Etty Alban into his parents’ bedroom, they didn’t say. They would have assumed Etty could take care of herself, and they all thought of DW as a good guy.
Later, some people complained I didn’t warn her, but I had no idea what he could do. While it all went down that night, I sat nursing a soda in the living room, where someone had cranked up the music to ear-bleed volume that kept me from hearing a thing.
Cassie was in the hallway outside the bedroom, though. She knew what she heard. And she screamed. She screamed again at Junior to break down the door. She screamed once more after that, when she saw Etty face down in a pool of blood. DW shoved his way past everyone into the living room. He stopped right in front of me with the gun in his hand. Not a big gun, not close to the size of the silly prop I used in our skit. Later I learned it belonged to his mother, that his father kept his Glocks and ARs and other heavy ordnance under lock in the basement.
DW didn’t say a word. He stared at me with preternatural calm, the barrel of the pistol only inches from my face. I could smell the hot-sweet aroma of discharged gunpowder. And . . . I understood. In that crystalline moment I felt ablaze with the knowledge of what Miss Flannery meant to say. With a mouth so dry I could barely form the words, the words I knew by heart. “You’re one . . . You’re one of my own–”
I never finished. Junior came out of nowhere and knocked DW to the ground. The gun skidded across the hardwood floor. It bounced off the baseboard in wobbly circles. Junior scrambled for it, but DW recovered the fumble. He stood and pointed the gun at Junior. He pointed it away. Then, as if he couldn’t figure out where else to aim, he pressed it under his own chin. I might have been the only one that saw him make the slightest flinch, pulling his head back just as he pulled the trigger. For a few seconds DW remained upright, suspended like a marionette. Then he crumpled to the floor.
For once, Cassie’s sense of authority proved useful. She called the paramedics and the sheriff’s office and half the hotels in Atlantic City until she located DW’s parents. The paramedics pushed a breathing tube into the bloody mess that used to be DW’s mouth, and they stuck needles into the bulging veins of his upper arms. He survived the night, but his family took him off life support the next morning. It didn’t occur to me to ask why the EMTs didn’t attend to Etty. Then I saw one of the ambulance crew unroll a large red vinyl bag and take it into the bedroom. When I heard a metal zipper closing, I threw up.
Mom came to take me home, but the sheriff didn’t release me until half past three. Taking the phone off the hook might have spared us annoying calls, but it didn’t stop reporters from showing up from as far away as Charleston and Wheeling to bang on our front door. I didn’t dare leave the house until Sunday night, when Cassie came over and escorted me to her place. The rest of the squad had gathered in Cassie’s bedroom, and we bawled our way through a case of tissues. Then we went home, not knowing what the new week would bring.
First thing Monday, Mr. Fluharty called the cheerleaders into his office. Mom suspects the school board threatened to fire Mr. Fluharty so he had to blame someone. He reviewed the events with a perverse twist, implying that our performance inspired a wild night of drinking, sex, and murder. Several of the other girls began crying, but I recognized how little the school had to stick us with when we heard our punishment: Three days’ suspension. Plus, permission to skip classes Thursday for Etty’s funeral.
“What about DW’s funeral?” I said. “Friday. We should go to that, too.”
The other girls looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. Mr. Fluharty rubbed his fingers over the coffee stains on red tie, and he squirmed in his chair, the old springs screeching with every motion. “That’s a bad idea, Janey,” he said.
“But DW’s parents lost a son. And DW . . .” It came back, what Miss Flannery meant, what I knew when DW stood there ready to put a bullet into my brain. “DW was one of our own.”
“Huh,” said Mr. Fluharty. “Didn’t know you were kin.”
“No,” I said. “I mean we can’t understand. We’ll never know why DW did it. You can blame my skit. Or the music he listened to or the video games he played or the movies he watched. Or you can blame football.” That last, that made Mr. Fluharty flinch.
The other girls just sat there. Not one word in support. Later Cassie said that if I’d just cried and begged for mercy, I would have come out okay. What I regarded as a recognition of shared humanity must have come off as a lawyerly rebuttal. Then to seal the matter I cut class Friday for DW’s service, the only mourner besides his family. Not a teacher, not a coach, not a teammate showed up. The Herald-Times ran a front-page picture of me leaving the church.
Mr. Fluharty took that as an act of defiance, which explains what he wrote in our permanent records. The other girls’ files said they used “bad judgment.” His notes about me, however, described the events in excruciating detail. Mr. Fluharty called me “unrepentant,” and he included newspaper clippings and someone’s cellphone photo of the skit–the part where I shot Etty.
Nobody got off easy. Boot did not win its first playoff game in thirty years because it didn’t play. The school board chose to forfeit. Mr. Fluharty also banned the cheerleaders from away basketball games, a relief to those who worried about the reception they’d receive in hostile gyms. It didn’t matter to me. I told Cassie at Etty’s funeral: I quit.
I did not, however, appreciate the significance of Mr. Fluharty’s writing that my offense was firearms-related. And that I was unrepentant. The University of Iowa rescinded my acceptance, citing their zero-tolerance policy. WVU did the same. Our sole support came from a grief counselor who suggested we write essays to “process the experience.” She thought enough of the piece I wrote to say I should publish it. Naturally, I wanted the opinion of the person I trusted the most.
When I caught up with Miss Shernisky outside the library, she made me duck into the stairwell. Her hands shook, and her words came in short bursts. “Mr. Fluharty told me I can’t read your work anymore. He said if I wanted to tutor anyone . . . I should tutor the students in my classes.”
I rolled my manuscript into a tight cylinder, this close to crying.
Then Miss Shernisky added, “Mr. Fluharty asked if I read your skit.” She paused as if I might complete her thought. “I said I hadn’t.”
#
Mr. Fluharty couldn’t stop me from graduating, at least, and Mom had no problem finding me a position in her office. I didn’t sell many houses. “Don’t worry,” Mom said. “A busted real-estate market culls out the weaklings in the herd. Agents who survive this will be on top when houses start moving again. Anyone with your poise and confidence and brains is gonna be dynamite at sales.” But after two years of showing double-wides to couples my age with a couple of babies, B trip C didn’t seem so bad. When I enrolled the college turned out not to have a single class in creative writing. I placed out of English comp, and American lit was full with a waiting list. That left me with earth science, sociology, and accounting.
Today between classes I sat on the wall and watched them gliding across the campus, two blondes in cheerleader outfits and a brunette wearing a leather jacket in B trip C colors. Nearly everyone tracked them, some with jaws slack, other with greater subtlety. The trio made eye contact with no one, accepting the stares as merely their due. I remembered that gesture well. I hardly expected them to speak to me, scribbling away in my composition book, but they stopped and said hello. They asked a stunning question: Did I want to try out for the cheerleading squad?
Sure. For my notoriety. They could use me as a conversation starter when they went on spring break in Cabo or San Padre, telling some bros from Louisiana State, “Hey, d’ja hear ’bout that girl who shot that other girl at the pep rally skit? Well . . .”
For a moment I considered jerking them around by asking about the school’s concealed carry policy during cheers and whether the athletic department had weeded out everyone with homicidal tendencies. Instead I kept my answer simple. No, I do not want to try out for the goddamned cheerleading squad. Not now, not ever. They walked away as serenely as they approached.
I bent to my writing until I heard a voice from behind. “I told them you’d say no.” There stood Cassie, whom I had not seen since graduation. I had heard from mutual friends that Cassie’s psychiatrist had advised her not to go away for college, that BCCC would make it less stressful for her PTSD. “I told them no, too. Shrink’s orders.”
I slid over, letting Cassie have a piece of the limestone.
“Come sleep over tomorrow night?” she said.
“No.”
She nodded and made a pretense of looking over my shoulder. “Still writing?” I didn’t dignify that with a response. “Did you ever write about . . . you know . . .?”
I put down my pen. Cassie didn’t hear “No” very often, but I sensed she had begun hearing it more.
“Yeah,” I said. What the hell. She made an effort. “I’m writing about it now. Help me think of a title.”
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