An Optimal Submission Example

which would then be evolved
to suit your own stylistic awesomeness–
be that professional, kooky, somber, sly, artsy, sloppy, sober, listless, morbid… you know you best.

Good morning, Defenestrationism team;

This is Bill Watersen, again. Thank you for contacting me– I’m privileged to be so honored as to know that you respect and delight in my work enough to request another submission from me to your really-quite-succussful-now-actually-to-a-modest-degree and absolutely-in-no-way-a-blog-by-any-definition-of-such, though still thoroughly underground, non-corporate and completely free of all bogusness website.

Attached below, feel free to find a downloadable document– not in PDF form, as per your request– of my previously unpublished, simultaneous submission, entitled:


As exegesis of my work is important to , I hear state it simply and clearly– though without pandering– making sure my statement is as thoroughly polished as the work I am submitting.

Despite my 87 percent positivity that, for my work, you will enjoy, praise amongst yourselves, select for publication, pay me for, and share your praise of me with me, I hear make multitudinous humble statements expressing how humbly and with how much humility I humble myself to your X-treme Judgement of the All-of-Me that I put into this submission– for, in this moment and, perhaps, in this moment alone, I cannot but feel extremely vulnerable. Agh– what a nasty moment, submission.

Thank you,
In utmost sincerity,
And with as many sign-offs as I see fit,
I hereby say to you,
I am but devotedly yours,

Bill Watersen
13 Doesnotliveeonthis Boulevard,
Madeupton, ME, US
(101) 010-0010

Bill Watersen is an author and illustrator, published internationally with his syndicated column, Cal-van and Hoobess. While he appreciates prints on paper by the likes of Alex Katz and Natsuki Takaya, he does not include in this brief, third-person bio any mention of his favorite walks on the beach, his age or birthdate, nor any mention of his pets, children, or photographs of what he had for breakfast. Variating his sentence structure, changing some of his verb-“to-be” phrases to active verbs, and with only occasional run on sentences– in this brief, third-person bio, at least– create an enjoyable read for the submission readers. His favorite color is orange.

I would like to complement your concrete and exact guidelines by complimenting you on your concrete and exact guidelines.

“The art of the epigraph is to take out of context”– Paul-Newell Reaves


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