My Children’s Father

an excerpt from “Because of My Guardian Angels”
by Francesca Alicea

The subject of my children’s father is one I rarely discuss.  Perhaps I’m just ashamed of the many years I tried to make it work. 

At times I wonder was I too young or did we just grow apart as I matured?  After all he was my first and I had no one to compare him to.  I had no idea of what a healthy relationship or what a good father or husband should be like.

I disregarded many red flags early on. Probably because I did not know any better. And when my children came I was even more determined to make it work. Looking back I realize that my determination to break the trend of growing up without a father totally blinded me.

Dagger after dagger, red flag after red flag went unnoticed or downplayed.  My priority was the children.  The thought of them growing up without their father would send chills up my spine.  But, since we all have our limits, that day came for me as well.

It took much to awaken me from a deep state of denial, but when I awakened, all I had buried or kept deep inside finally burst. There was no going back.

I can’t judge him. I know that we all have our burdens to deal with. Whatever was and is going on within him is not for me to criticize, but I can’t condone his actions either. I can’t change, judge, or help him. The battle within himself is his alone.

I can admit that, despite our differences and our altered missions in life, that he’s an excellent chess player, pianist, portrait artist, and that foreign languages are very easy for him to learn.

So as part of my healing I choose to focus on the positive things. I will always remember the beautiful oil on canvas portrait he painted of me and “Francesca’s Song” a piano instrumental he wrote for me.  Hey, I can even play a mean game of chess.  But, the best gifts of all are my two amazing children and now my grand.  These beautiful gifts were the result of my determination to make it work.

I differentiate better now and recognize exactly how I want to be treated.  So my next if I so choose I’m positive will not be random selection.

I hope to always remember that my children and grand all have or will have their mission and burdens to deal with in life. So I would like them to know that I will not judge them, but will always be a good listener.

And they should also be aware that the advice I give them comes from a loving mother’s heart.  And, that I’m human and made and will make mistakes.  I just hope they can forgive me whenever I do.

What’s New from
home/ Bonafides

Facebooktwitterlinkedinrssby feather
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmailby feather

Leave a Reply

Welcome to
Defenestrationism reality.

Read full projects from our
retro navigation panel, left,
or start with What’s New.